Watched Over
by Tonkswyrda
Summary: Sirius is watching over them, even in death. and hes not really liking what he's seeing.


Is it strange that I was almost enjoying death?

Well, I mean of course that's a bit weird. No one wants to die, even though that's what ends up happening to us all. I didn't want to die. But there's not really anything I can do about it, is there?

James and Lily keep telling me that I have to stop looking back, back at the real world. I'm stuck here now, they say, and I have to move on. But I just can't. Because people I still care about are still down there, and they're on the edge now that I'm gone.

Well, Remus is the one on the edge because of me. He's bringing Tonks down and off the cliff with him, if he means to or not.

I have to feel sorry for her.

He's all she wants. But he's the only thing she can't have.

I suppose I should really explain. Tell the story, as it were.

There was a funeral (or as much of a funeral as is possible without a body) and there was an argument. That's what sparked it all off. Of course, it was Remus who pulled her aside, and dealt the final blow.

"I can't do this anymore." He mumbled. She didn't catch on.

"You want to leave? I have to get out of here too, it's driving me insane." Tonks sighed, frowning when she saw Remus' blank face. Slowly, he shook his head.

"I can't do _this_ anymore," he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper.

She got the point this time.

"What? I mean… why? Was it something I did, something I said?..." she trailed off. His face was pained.

"It's not you. It's never you. It's me. I just… I cant put you in danger like this anymore. I'm so selfish… and this just proves that everyone I ever care for dies." Remus looked around before looking back at Tonks. Her jaw was taunt, and she was angry.

"Oh NO! You're not doing this because you're a werewolf! Remus, please, don't be stupid, you know I don't care-"

"You don't care because you don't know." Remus cut across her smoothly. He was an expert at this now.

"That's not true."

"It is. You've never been shunned by the entire world!" he hissed. "You don't know what it's like, and it was selfish of my to string you along, when I knew we could never-"

"Never WHAT?" She hissed back. Her hair was red by now.

"Never have a proper relationship! Because I am too old, too poor, and too dangerous for you! And that is all there is to it!" his tone was so firm, so final.

Her eyes were starting to tear up. "But I _love _you." She whispered.

"No you don't." he mumbled, running a hand over the stubble growing on his checks and neck. "You think you do, but you can't love something like me."

"Can too." She gave a watery smile, which fell off her face quicker than stinksap.

"But… I… I don't love you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry if that's how you feel. I just don't." Remus looked away from her. The lie hurt, but it was necessary. And she would believe it. She always believed him. He was too good at lying, better than anyone should be. Years of practice, he supposed.

Surely enough, when he looked back, her hair was brown, and tears were dribbling down her face. She made no effort to wipe them away. "Ouch." She whispered.

"Sorry." He said automatically. She shrugged. It wasn't hard to tell that she was struggling to contain herself.

Remus walked away from her, and I swear, if I had been given one dying wish, it would be for him to turn around at that moment, and realise he was wrong. But I've been told death only gives out wishes to really important stiffs. I don't understand why I didn't get one, then.

But that left me standing with my cousin, watching her fall apart and not being able to do a single thing about it. I tried to put my arm around her shoulder- but the fact that I'm dead, and seeing as how I'm not a ghost and really not meant to be here meant that my arm just went straight through.

She looked around- looked right through me- before walking away herself. She looked back, tears running freely. No one knew the real reason, not yet. So I suppose she was lucky it was my funeral. She could cry and they would let her alone.

I knew now that she'd never felt more alone in her life.


End file.
